Leave

he said he can't stop loving me, but he left me hanging in the middle here.

it's been sometime he didn't visit here, our home. i didn't really leave him, i turned back.
what i get is disappoint, depress, tears and wait.
i want to feel his love once again now, not looking back our memories to recall his love.

i couldn't reach him. i couldn't leave him.
i'm hanging in the middle.
sometimes i wonder, issit i leave him, he then only will realize im important to him?
shall i leave him to get more love?

there's many questions in my head, but none of them is making me to stay.

Grow

He taught me to grow in love. But I'll never grow.
Because, love makes me feel and act like a child.

Love is addictive, it mades me want more and more.
It sometimes make me laugh like a cheerful child who doesnt have any problems to think.
It sometimes make me cry like I'm suffer from hungryness and ignorance from parents.

Love is happiness, it shouldn't be sad.
I chosed the way where there's happiness. I thought happiness can be last forever.
I know what I'm doing. But you don't understand.

Love makes you feel sorry and unwilling to leave me.
I cried. It's hard for me to turn back.
I look into your eyes and they tell me that you won't hurt me anymore.

Love cannot be saved in the last minute.
I am very upset but I shouldnt turn back.

But I'm now in your arms, your love is surrounding me.
Because I love you deep enough to turn back and get hurt again.

my way

befor the presentation class start, we had a small chat.

She dunwan to make a decision. I understand, i just feel like wan to laugh.
Coz it just like a circle, its just things i done to her. It just made me think of myself.

But i m not her. I had my own thaught, and my reaction wont be the same.
I like freedom, and i had given all my freedom to her.
And also because i like freedom, i dun like to force people.
Today, i do had the same feeling, i do feel tired of forcing her to come back.
If she is mature enough to know what she is doing,if she is happy with it,i m happy with her too.
I wont said that i stop loving her anymore. Coz i cant stop loving her.
But i'll try to find my way out. find my way, haha!

i dunno

i wake up late today,becoz i slept late yesterday.

i cant do things well these days. i miss her.
i learnt a lot these days. l earn bout love, bout how to live with ur another one.
from books, from movies, from chat.
somehow i cant understand everything, but i 'll like to learn,coz i really dunno, dunno wut can i do next.

I watch a movie from my brother's pc. The movie helps me a lot.
It calm me down, it tells me a lot of things. Things that i nvr know in my whole life. The movie is called < when i man love a woman >.

time. i think mayb time is only one can help us. when time bring the overall things down, when time tells everything.

i dunno, really dunno wut to do. let time tell me wut to do next.

i feel tiny and helpless. i find everything hopeless and i cant do things well.
i dunno wtf is happened to me. I m confused n lost.

at the end,i still miss her. thats no cure.

feng

love..this is love..whenever everybody pokes at me, pointing finger on me, saying bad things of me, he's the one hidden there and tells me im not that bad. n whenever everybody pokes at him in front of me, saying bad things of him in front of me, i'll protect him and says that he's not that bad.

somebody told me that (or even in a movie) u will wan to see ur loved 1 to be happy..if he's unhappy with u, u have to leave him so that he's happy n u wont mind to leave becuz u'r really love him. i tot im juz a small potato for him. but i totally ruin his life n his freedom. i tot im nothing for him. i tot he wont feel sad or even knowing my existance if i leave him. n then i walked away..

i was suffering from the ignorance. i was crying for protections. i was mad for being misunderstood. i need love. i need alot alot of love from him. but the thing i can only c is 'empty'. i was waiting for somebody who's not turning back, i thought. he's back when im leaving. why? y is the timing so bad?

what's about the life take two? everybody has second chance? where is it??? i can't c anything. everybody wants me to wake up. i didnt hear last time. but at the end, i woke up. maybe i shouldnt? is this the ending? the sad ending of the pretty fairy tales?

elvie

i had nvr been so depressed before...i lost my precious one. i gal i love so much. she left me. i knew she really leave me this time. i miss her...i cant let go....i cannot make it.

I never admit that she is so important to me these days. I m just running away. i hate myself for being a coward.
As ppl said, we will say our seetest memories when u almost past away. i saw it. the memories with her.

i am totally hopeless, i knew her much, i lost all my confident.

她

从来没有那么难过。。我失去了我最珍贵的东西，我失去了她。这一次她真的离我而去了。我想她。。我放不下，我真的放不下。

一直以来我都不敢承认她对我的重要性，我在逃避，只恨自己不敢承认。
人家说人在死之前都会看到许多以前的画面，我，看到了，和她一起的画面。

也许是了解吧，我看到自己绝望了，我连一点把握也没有。

Another Gam Dong..

tonite..i juz shot a movie for my project..that time now is 3:26am..he still hasnt come back i guess..i tot he already forgot bout this blog..but he didnt..he didnt...i hate myself..really..i love him very much..i still can't let him go..i really can't loose my hand..catching him so tightly..he knows it..he always know it..

he didnt do anything wrong..he's always the best..he is the only one that can take my breath..there's nobody like him in this world who can make me think of killing myself..hating myself so much...nobody like him..that can make me feel so warm..so sweet..

i wish he can kill me...i wish not to live now...im listening to a song he sent to me "Keane - Somewhere only we know" im getting old and i need something to rely on..so tell me when he's gonna let me in...in my mind, is full of the scene when im with him..if somebody wants me to tell a story, he's the one appear in my mind..a story that full of stars..full of scenes which only lovers can c..the ais dropping from the sky of KL..the rainbow in the sky of nite..the sky of stars he draw for me..who wants this story to have a sad ending?

we made so many promises..i broke so much of them..i hate myself hurting him..y am i hurting the one i love so much..he is angel..he gave me his wings..he let me fly..i really dun mind to have a broken wing..juz to stay beside him..please don't hate urself as a sagistarious, cuz it's not your choice to be a sagistarious..and...i love you becuz you are you..

a night

its about 3:19am in the morning of february 21 2005, what m i doing here??writing my first bloggie...muahahaha~`i dunno who ganna read my blog n whoelse do noe m blog...i juz wan to write something down....document my feeling...i wan to read it next time...at least i thought like tat now. Listening songs...that bring me to the space of time of past. Scene pass throught my mind..so sad...sa bad....so down...most of the scene were with her......

life take two???one person should hav how many chances to come over again??i start to laugh at myself for keep asking so many why ...for wut?? all i get was so disappointed..dropped from heaven to hell. i m not suppose to go into heaven...i m not tat lucky...wakakakka.Do i choose it??No..i didn....i had no choice and that make me choose it. i left her...on the valentine if 2005. juz like those movies in the cinema or tv..everything juz came like tat.

i try appreciate it n i did it...b4 everything happen....i do put in effort. And finally ..i m hurted...again n again.

c'mon ~~did i did sumthing wrong ??tell me??heheis tat wut i deserve ? haha! i was so disappointed. even with her explanation...a damn bad excuse. fuck! i wouldn't wan to blame tat guy as she is love me much...she should can control herself. i hate he, i hate her excuse, i hate her face, her expression when she explaine to me i hate myself for loving her. curse me god! i dun fucking care!!! i even give my freedom to her....the most important to me...my freedom ...haha, i m a fucking sagittarius...hahahaha
i cant find an excuse to b together....i m lost...i m sleepy...duh!